concentrate on something else I tell myself as my heart starts to cry the drama queen inside of me is raging with pre menopausal strength priorities honey priorities i'm not mr. right, I'm mr right now he looks at me like i'm a fool when I say that concentrate on something else except how you feel and shit you're not that important your effect on those around you is more important be more social be more "gung ho" don't drink like a fish don't smoke like a chimney don't fuck ...

he's gone and i don't want to believe this lonelier existence he entered and exited with the same amount of consistency he chipped away and started sandpapering my insecurities he got closer to the gem than anyone else ever has what did I do for him? he let me not worry about that too much. he let me just bathe in his presence and relish in security two lives merged for an instance like downtown atlanta and it felt exactly the same wind

and the insecurites and the not so good childhood memories come crashing against me like waves to the beach. the way you deal with them comes back to haunt or benefit you, depending on what you do. without the fear of being alone the world is a better place. i swear

and i surround myself with supportive people who see the love who feel the love and I don't know how to act anymore this calmness inside of me wants to end and i'm so easy to wind up wind me up so I perform like a magician do the tricks that where before: unappreaciated you react and react the way its supposed to be the way its fucking supposed to be i wanna make this last week memorable for you he says in his tilted face and drunken eyes he examines and talks enough to ke...

Then he takes me over and over again. And my lapse of judgement regrows to haunt me. I push it to the back of my mind. And I want him to push it to the back of my throat. You fill me up. In every way possible. And you make me cry on the inside. the third world hooker inside me comes to the forefront when you're around. this plateau of hope and happiness still discomforts me at times. bitter queen- you say that with a smile and a smirk combined. I hate to ruffle weathers, i mean, ...

in retrospect he's even more beautiful he cleans me from the inside and calms my nervous demeanor he makes sense of this crazy world and he's not cheap with his kisses celebrate his existence when he is away not his absence what a beatiful new finding never knew love could feel like this and he's leaving on a jet plane taking my fucking heart with him he cries because he already misses me and we fight like little girls he's not a mistake like the last he's exactly what I was...

the music bounces off my happy bubble and the money keeps on rolling in the sad songs start making sense to me in a real way and the happy songs too gosh where do I go from here I have everything someone could ask for i kept a bad man and I scored a good man now my real ho'in days will begin? then we take peace and liberty to a whole new level the way we take care of each other is adorable just waiting for the day that he tells me its not working or refuses to call me back. ...

so he aint called and he's avoiding my phone calls i gotta take a chill pill and relax he likes me for me but he's not gonna stick around he better call before the weekend cause i aint calling him no more you're falling fast .... they tell me i hope you don't break i have to not worry about it too much he tells me he thinks about me non stop i hope he still does i hope they're still positive thoughts

Look at the memories we choose to create they fall into my soul like an early morning layer of snow Which of these memories will we choose to forget Which ones will never leave me I can talk about your kiss and your hands I can wallow in thought about your boyish smile your ever so careless eyes as they look at me as they wander no punchline in this early morning rant just a kiss in absence and some clean-dirty thoughts

then he tells me everything I need to hear in a soft spoken demeanor he takes care of me and I take care of him i hope I dont annoy him and we play the jealousy card well I act and set limits i swallowed like a cheap hooker and adrian let me know how immense what I did was I've been where I"ve never been before and i ate snails today what are you gonna do when hes gone worries the best friend in the corner the sadder more sincere soldier in the corner radiates the sorrow th...

I'm Selfish -he tells me as he gives me a lap dance in front of the wrinkling locals as he shakes his booty all up on business and I lean back to calm the waves of my desire he looks at me and tells me how beautiful I am, and I believe it, unlike him he kisses me in public like he's getting comfortable with himself, with me. you're all mine- he tells me in the midst of drunken glory the mother fucker wants me and I love it the questions of yesterday take a permanent position as such ...

memories of a moment in time when I had to compete with myself the FOB the muscular Indian bringing the hot Danish Guy to the Social and kind of avoiding me so I can latch on to those moments and realize that I'm not the shizzle or I can choose to forget them he was cute man, but he scored better than me. what a fucker and his man was from a country where he could sponsor him. okay i was beat,one of these days I was beat. so i start in a downward spiral where I can only stop it. a...

More beautiful nights keep on rolling and I let them spiral into me then the nights dont stop and his loving feels so right. over and over again he makes me feel the way I am peeling away my superficial insecurities and leaving the bare pains to pound in unison with my heart he loves me over and over again i hold him to realize that he is supposed to be here his kiss melts me and when he gets freaky he makes me lose control he does everything so close to perfect and he makes me ...

don't learn about my history, because then you know too much. says the crowd to the eternal foreigner. the outsider that doesn't know how to blend in. who is learning about my ancestors and scaring me. who is annoying when he tries to mimick us. who is wholly disadvantaged, but isn't that cute? you don't have to get me anything, as long as I'm with you. he tells me in the gay moonlight while my tears come to the forefront. I think about fucking the love out of him as he brings me to my se...

I tell you one thing though bitches; they come; they go But this bitch aint going this bitch stuck in the pipes to my heart she makes my eyes water when I think about her sweet words she makes me believe that everything I thought about the world was right she makes me believe that everything I thought about the world was wrong my sexual dependancy lessens