So I sit and I feel the urge but not the fulfillment. What else is new. I saw a picture of him on my phone. So sweet. So innocent. So unattracted to me. Like always I was trying to hard. And the failures bring me down just as bad the successes bring me up. Let go of the desperation. I was purposefully wasted, so blame it on the shots. sweet. but it is conveniently close by. okay just leave it to that. slap. slap of reality to this utter brittle self-concept. I am big black ...

The beautiful man told me as he tried to look away. As I get escorted out of the oldest gay bar in town, and the withering queen looks at me and tells me "do you remember?" do I remember what I feel, fucking faggot. anywho's the night went okay, i didn't get any and my racial insecurities only deepened. but hey. why didn't he want me. why doesn't anyone want me? god I'm so pathetic man. why do you like him, I ask? he's quiet, he responds. jesus fucking christ. light me up a fu...

Do I have a horrible habit of lying to myself? Can you tell me why he's not craving me? Why he doesn't miss my presence. Why he looks at me in a half attention gaze and let me know how busy he's been this week. While the whole bar gazes him up and down and moans for his body. I look at it and see where I've already been. Why can't he just love me? Why must I fall for the stupidest people? I want you to want me like the air you breathe. I want you to need me, like everything. a...

Kissing Soldiers, what a beautiful hobby. Kissing Soldiers, ai ai ai the last two have had big ass cocks too. they're gonna make me form a preference its gonna suck BIG, BIG cock what the fuck am I supposed to do. what a predickament....... Hopefull the person I "met" will be there. and who knows what will be going through his mind hes just looking for fun... but aren't we all I wanna fuck till the morning comes it was a really great experience let me tell you my belly ge...

So I'm pumping at work. pumping like I'm enjoying it or something. God it feels good to be working again. I mean really working. I hope they renew my contract so I don't turn into some unemployed loser again. JFC, gotta keep the doors open I guess. I feel like getting wasted tonight. So hopefully this is an upward spiral. well I think I've been in one for the 10 months or so. but this might be the fast good part. lets hope so,. I wonder what it'll feel like to see my baby aga...

That niggah going down. Who he think he is. Something Special. Please the only thing special about him is his big ass cock. And I mix like an over frozen strawberry in a smoothie. And I miss him for shizzle. But I know I can't have him Cause the fucker aint called. What he think he doing? Acting all cute and shit. God I just want to fall asleep with him again. mmmmmmmmm

So I feel a little less burdened today. I only think about him when I sing. Which is better than yesterday when I thought about him all the time. It seems like I had to go fuck it up for myself for me to feel better. Wierd. I went to the only gay bar in town and heavily hinted at being in love with him. They know him. It's weird how much complexity comes into play when you start analyzing your actions. Like I really dont feel that internal longing for him like I did last night. ...

me love you long time i feel like a cheap hooker that has fallen for my john i wait for his return to my corner or my store front i want to act like a prostitute but still work to seduce him seduce him to fall in love with this shit jesus he was so perfect more perfect than my ex anyday but my ex stuck around , eh? i gave him too much credit for simply sticking around but what else is a bitch like me supposed to do man I hope he asks about me or at least wonders where I am but...

God I was so mean yesterday. I should apologize. I'll just tell Karen. It was all good in the hood. JFC I have to stop using that. well these are my sayings so I should be proud, no? Drunk and Loud, what a horrible combo. a deadly combo, perhaps? okie dokie phenokee she wanted me......lol I'm just too young heh? no more okay? no more okay? god I'm such a retard man. okay take a chill pill. there's always tommorow.......... always.

the untreatable strains are prevelant in Okinawa because of "Indescent Military Acts" I grew up around those indescent military acts I am a self-absorbed loser nobody wants that the old man couldn't handle me how should I take it from here god I made such a fool of myself what a loser but its all good in the hood god if that's gonna be the line I use to smoothe me over for the next 6 months wait lets revert to my old line There's always tommorow.....always wait now I f...

Whats love but a second hand emotion. Whats love got to do with it. Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken. My body is nasty. God the fucker tasted so good. His Cock was SO Humongous. Ai Dio Mios. It felt really sensual and sweet. It'll never work. God he's so perfect. fucker........ I'm such a bitch and I cant stop. But I'm feeling it. Feeling it is for losers. uggh. (the bug has bit) (insert indian accent) the bug has bit. mother fucker.

Singing that song in a morning and feeling like I was coming on the inside is a great thing. I know country music. He is so fucking beautiful. adorable I'm so .......... you know... what mukesh was saying. we'll see if the fucker calls prob not, but I'll see him around. If not then I guess we'll just leave it at that. "I don't remember falling asleep" he said in the eyes of morning glory. what a man "it creeps up on you" says mukesh i guess it does not cool if you ask me wh...

So everyday is a HOliday You go shopping everytime you walk down the street You go shopping everytime you drive down the road. I want this job, but I don't want to fight to keep it welcome to the story of my life. I'm itching and i don't know why and I keep forgetting my fucking insulin

and the fucker loves to jiggle. He jiggles like a secretary in heat, but when he sits down he is all man. An enigma of holes and poles Endless routes to discover. His wedding ring will slip off as I lick his fingers I want his fingers inside of me as we make out in the clean HOtel room we frolick like girly men worship each others body like fucking Allah slap and tickle when appropriate a kiss to stir up tension the early dusk sunlight sneaks in

Dealing with realities, oh what a wonderful game. Changing your existence what a treatorous plight. I scream and fight the unstoppable wind. Then I realize its gonna be okay. Boredom only comes to people that sit and wait. You create your own reality. You and your baggage. And your drunken demeanor. Sit and wait for nothing but time As your father always told you time is unstoppable. No fucking shit. Upgrading the way that humans like to do. Upgrade this said the gringo. Un...