Self Destructive Maintenance

Published on January 20, 2005 By propagandhi In Philosophy

So I feel a little less burdened today.
I only think about him when I sing.
Which is better than yesterday when I thought about him all the time.

It seems like I had to go fuck it up for myself for me to feel better.
Wierd.

I went to the only gay bar in town and heavily hinted at being in love with him.
They know him.
It's weird how much complexity comes into play when you start analyzing your actions.

Like I really dont feel that internal longing for him like I did last night.
None of the internal emotions stirring up a cyclone inside of me like I did yesterday.

Fu knows. Maybe its just withdrawl complete.
Or the utter realization that I was just a trick.
Or perhaps its that my body can't feel him anymore.
not too TMI you. but he hurt me so good.

God why does love have to be so complicated?
stop using that word you pathetic mother fucker.
its so overrated and useless in times like these. (thanks jewel)

back to being semi-charmed I guess

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